2023 Haiku Contest Winners
2023 Haiku Contest Winners (PDF)
M-0. Elementary 3rd and 4th graders (immersion, FLES or any program)
天
はすのはな かなしいいけに きぼうさす
Talia Essen, Fox Mill Elementary
とても奥深いですね! (A philosophically deep verse!) The lotus is a highly symbolic flower, particularly within Buddhism (c.f. renge 蓮華), and the image of the poet “casting her hopes” into the sad pond is deeply moving. Well done!
M-1. Elementary 5th and 6th graders (immersion, FLES or any program)
天
子供の日 いろとりどりの かぜがふく
Dana Mariko Pehrson, Fox Mill Elementary School
This verse has an excellent rhythm, which is driven by the highly effective second ku. The term irotoridori calls to mind the many colors of the koi nobori 鯉幟 traditionally flown on Children’s Day, and is very nicely collocated with kaze, creating the sense that the wind itself is multicolored.
地
あめはふる はなははためく いのちです
Adrian Garetta-Vander Jagt, Great Falls Elementary School
This verse is driven by the lovely ha-gyō ハ行 assonance in the second ku (hana wa hatameku), which appears even more visually striking given the typography you have employed, writing the entire verse in kana. The use of です instead of かな in the third ku is also interesting, as it gives the verse a distinctly modern, everyday feel.
M-2. Middle school 7th and 8th graders (immersion or any program)
天
春雨や 桜咲くかな ハチの音
Grace Florence, Lake Braddock Secondary School
The sibilant /s/ sounds work very nicely in this poem (harusame, sakura saku). They are soft and give an impression of gentleness conducive to the evocation of spring, and arguably even dovetail with the buzzing of the bee in the final ku.
地
さむいかぜ ふゆのささやき みちのこえ
Tavien Erwin, Hayfield Secondary School
This poem is supported on the strength of the middle ku — the “whispers of winter” is a nice image that clearly fits the first ku, and then asks for interpretive connections to be made with the third. I might be inclined to rephrase the first ku with something like kogarashi ya 木枯しや, where kogarashi, meaning a cold, wintry wind, is a seasonal word (kigo 季語) for early winter (shotō・hatsufuyu 初冬).
J-1. High school Japanese 1 equivalent (may include 8th graders)
天
はるのかぜ かおりただよう うめのはな
Shawn Wu, Oakton High School
Beautiful conception! This is a very nice elaboration of a traditional theme: the very subtle fragrance of plum blossoms, wafting upon a spring zephyr. I am reminded of a Chinese poem by the Song Dynasty statesman and literatus Wang Anshi 王安石 (1021-1086), a famous couplet of which goes: 遙知不是雪 From afar I know they are not snow, 為有暗香來 Only because their subtle fragrance wafts.
地
よるのしか ひかりにたよる やまのつき
Catherine Cirivello, Walt Whitman High School
The deer baying in the night, under an autumn moon, is a wonderfully affecting image that dates back to the earliest strata of Japanese lyric poetry. I’m not exactly sure how to interpret the second ku – what does it mean to rely upon the light? Is the lonely deer relying on the light of the moon to guide his way through the dark mountain forest? I’m not quite sure, but I like it : )
人
かんがらす かれのたかかり ふゆのつき
Amy Dugan, Oakton High School
This poem boldly packs in lots of austere and traditional imagery: a withered field, a wintry moon, and a “cold crow” — terms redolent of the work of Yosa Buson 与謝蕪村 (1716-1783), as well as of Chinese poets. Indeed, the “cold crow” (寒鴉) became a famous image in both poetry and painting in the Song Dynasty and thereafter. The hard カ行 /k/ sounds, particularly in the first and second ku, also impart to the verse something of the crisp, cold air of a winter night. Nicely done!
客
あきのくれ もみじがきえた にわそうじ
Mia Meyer, Walt Whitman High School
What I really like about this poem is the way the final ku inverts expectations: Phrases like 秋の暮れ and 紅葉が消えたprime the reader for yet more austere autumnal imagery, perhaps suggesting inspiration from the great medieval poets of the yūgen 幽玄 (mystery and depth) style. But the final ku returns us to the prosodic rhythms of everyday life – sweeping up the garden or raking leaves is exactly the kind of activity that the haiku form was honed to poeticize. You have found the extraordinary in the ordinary; well done!
客
なつやすみ サマースクール げんなりと
Kidus Teshome, Paint Branch High School
This is an interesting verse that I can readily identify with! The blend of vocabulary works well, and the way you’ve ended the poem with the adverbial と shows a good, intuitive command of Japanese diction.
J-2 High school Japanese 2 equivalent
天
なつかしい あきのそよかぜ つれさって
Javier Anjelu Danica, Hayfield Secondary School
The conception of being “carried off” (つれさる) by a gentle autumn zephyr is very lovely! What makes the verse even better is that the first ku suggests that you’ve experienced this before, and that its recurrence adds to the charm of the fall season.
地
ふゆのよる つきをつかんで ほしをとる
Allen Chen, Lake Braddock Secondary School
Excellent work! I find the interpretation of this verse difficult – how does one “grasp the moon” and “snatch the stars?” – but it is striking nonetheless. It reminds me of the marvelous and experimental “style of ethereal beauty” (yōen 妖艶), associated with the great waka 和歌 poet Fujiwara no Teika 藤原定家 (1162-1241).
人
ほしづきよ はなびたいかい あざやかだ
Angelina Phan, Falls Church High School
This is a lovely verse that blends the world of nature (a starry night) and the human (a fireworks display), both of which present the viewer with a dazzling display (azayaka da).
客
きらめくほし そらをくだく ふりそそぐ
Suld-Erdene Erdenebaatar, Washington Liberty High School
The meter is unusual: a ji-amari 字余り (hypermetric) line in the first ku and a ji-tarazu 字足らず (hypometric) line in the second. This brings to mind a strategy in classical Chinese poetry called “deviation and remedy” — which describes a situation in which a poet uses a character of the wrong tone in one line, then another “wrong” tone character in the parallel position of the next line. The “errors” are felt to balance one another.
客
きにおりる わたしにはなす なつのせみ
Zachary Kuhn, The Maggie L. Walker Governor’s School for Government and International Studies
This is a very nice demonstration of the ability of haiku to poeticize personal moments of joy or insight. The poet references himself, as the summer cicada – a traditional symbol of summer and or evanescence – speaks to him. This is also a good example of the technique of personification (gijinhō 擬人法). I might be inclined to make the first ku continuative (e.g., 木におりて), since the use of the attributive form (rentaikei 連体形) suggests direct modification of わたし (i.e. [木におりるわたし], which is not, I presume, what you mean, since it would imply that you are the one on the branch!
客
ヒヤシンス あまいかおりや はちすわる
Ming Nguyen, Paint Branch High School
The first ku is striking, and demonstrates the ability of the haiku form to poeticize flora and fauna not found in traditional Japanese poetry. The great Meiji-era poet Masaoka Shiki 正岡子規 (1867-1902) was a strong advocate of using English and Chinese vocabulary in haiku and even tanka 短歌, a classical verse form that dates to the beginnings of Japanese literature. The second ku is at least partly synesthetic, and the bee is eminently well suited to haiku.
J-3 High school Japanese 3 equivalent
天
ちょうちょうを 逃がせてしまう くつの音
Serief Zaki, Walt Whitman High School
素晴らしい意匠です! (Excellent conception!) The scene is remarkably well drawn, thanks to your skillful use of the transitive verb 逃す. This is exactly the kind of scene that haiku excels at depicting. Bravo!
地
夕立の 地面に落ちる 雨のやり
Evan Wu, Walt Whitman High School
This verse is interesting in at least three ways. First, rendering rain as “spears” reminds me of William Blake’s monumental English poem The Tyger (1794), which contains the following stanza:
When the stars threw down their spears
And water’d heaven with their tears
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the lamb make thee?
Second, your use of の at the end of the first ku is nice, since の could function in classical Japanese (bungo・kobun 文語・古文) as a case particle (kaku joshi 格助詞) that indicated the subject of a sentence, rather like modern が. Finally, the use of the word ochiru 落ちる (instead of furite 降りて or something) is interesting, and somewhat reminiscent of the unconventional Kyōgoku 京極 school of waka 和歌 poetry.
人
満月の 海を手招く 春潮や
Maya Lougheed, Lake Braddock Secondary School
An interesting and creative verse. The use of a “cutting word” (kireji 切字) や at the very end of the poem is somewhat unusual, and the full moon is traditionally associated as a “seasonal word” (kigo 季語) with autumn, not spring. Still, the image of the full moon “beckoning the sea” (海を手招く) is truly excellent!
客
しずかな日 はかないなみだ 桜ちる
Mia Buntin, South Lakes High School
A good spring poem! The vocabulary nicely captures the evanescence of spring, and the reader wonders how to interpret the tears in the second ku. Is the poet lamenting the passing of spring? Are the falling sakura blossoms the “tears” of the “quiet day” itself?
客
きつねの子 雪の野原で いきしろし
Melat Getu, South Lakes High School
The strength of this verse is in the third ku, where you have skillfully drawn attention back to the fox cub introduced in the first ku and used the literary (bungo 文語) final form (shūshikei 終止形) of the adjective.
J-4 High school Japanese 4 equivalent
天
しんかんせん 燃える紅葉を ちらしけり
Chiyo Dean, Ocean lakes High School
Well done! The assonance in the middle ku on the sound /mo/ is very nice — moeru momiji — and the image of the bullet train scattering the “blazing autumn leaves” is truly fantastic! The typography is also interesting, as you’ve chosen to use kanji only in the middle ku, despite the fact that shinkansen is a kango (漢語) compound, chirasu is written with what is arguably a “simpler” character (散) than moeru, which you have chosen to write in kanji.
地
雨上がり どんぐりさがす 朝のりす
Jason Guzzetti, Lake Braddock Secondary School
The imagery here is nice, and each ku relates clearly to the others, allowing the poem to form a narrative arc: we understand that the rain has let up, and the squirrel, who has presumably been taking shelter, is now able to go out looking for acorns. The words どんぐり and りす would not be found in traditional waka 和歌, but they are perfectly suited to the haiku form.
J-5 High school Japanese 5 (or higher) equivalent
天
ほしのした はなびのわらい ひかりけり
Annie Bai, Oakton High School
Very well done! The assonance on the ha-gyō ハ行 syllables — hoshi, hanabi, hikari — is especially nice, reminding the reader of a very famous waka 和歌 that uses a similar sound pattern:
hisakata no 久方の The entire world
hikari nodokeki 光のどけき Is suffused by peaceful light
haru no hi ni 春の日に On this springtime day;
shizugokoro naku 静心なく Yet the blossoms seem to fall
hana no chiru ramu 花の散るらん As if beset by restless hearts
地
ホタルがり 暗闇の中 光かな
Emily Hernandez, Hayfield Secondary School
Nice imagery here; it may be enjoyed aesthetically as pure description, or interpreted symbolically — the fireflies points of light we chase amidst the metaphorical darkeness of the human condition. I am reminded of the opening passage of The Pillow Book (Makura no sōshi 枕草子) by Sei Shonagon 清少納言 (c. 966-1025):
夏は夜。月の頃はさらなり、闇も猶、蛍の多く飛び違ひたる。また、ただ一つ二つなど、ほのかに打ち光りて行くもをかし。
Natsu wa yoru. Tsuki no koro wa sara nari, yami mo nao, hotaru no ooku tobi-chigaitaru. Mata, tada hitotsu futatsu nado, honoka ni uchi-hikarite yuku mo okashi
“In summertime, it’s the night! Of course, it’s nice when the moon is out, but so too is darkeness, when lots of fireflies are flying all around. Also, it’s very charming (をかし) when there are just one or two fireflies moving with a soft, dim glow!”
人
ラムネびん そっとのぞけば 空の色
Ayane Hirota, Walt Whitman High School
This poem applies the haiku form very effectively. Haiku is the best suited of all traditional Japanese poetic forms to poeticizing the ordinary, quotidian aspects of everyday life (here, exemplified by the Ramune bottle), and to conveying flashes of insight or discovery, which you do very nicely in the second ku.
客
寒い朝 毛布にのこり ちこくする
John Mills, Walt Whitman High School
同情できます！(I can empathize!) どうも寒くなればなるほど起きにくくなりますね！
C-2 College 200 level
天
木漏れ日は そっとささやく 風ともに
Vy Nguyen, University of Maryland Baltimore County
This poem does a good job of using both imagery and sound to convey meaning. In the first case, Japanese has an entire word whose meaning is “sunlight dappling through the foliage” – a very poetic image indeed! As regards sound, you have very nicely used vocabulary that means a certain kind of sound (ささやく = “whisper”), and the addition of the adverb そっと creates a second ku packed with “whispering” sibilant /s/ sounds – perfect for evoking the wind.
地
白い雪 天から落ちる 涙かな
Katherine Lin, George Washington University
This poem is well structured and clear. The association of snow with “tears” is interesting. One expects such an association with rain, since both rain and tears fall in drops, but not so much with snow. Of course, we might imagine that it is so cold that Heaven’s tears freeze on the way down and become snowflakes!
人
水に落ち 冬の嘆きや 沈むかな
Yasmin Nawrozie, University of Maryland Baltimore County
The strength of this verse is in the connection between the first and second ku, as the reader is led to wonder just what the regrets/laments of winter are, and why they fall upon the water. I might be inclined to rephrase the second and third ku slightly, to something like 冬の嘆きの・沈みけり, but the use of the kireji 切字 や in the second ku does give the verse a strong, staccato rhythm.
